You gave me hyacinths first a year ago. They called me the hyacinth girl.

currently listening to: "have you seen my sister evelyn?" by evelyn evelyn

HOLY SHIT.

i walked into the bookstore and, seeing a pair of bookends i desired, was caught off guard by an abrupt "hi." i turned.

amanda. my amanda. my best friend from high school. "manda" amanda. the one i haven't spoken to in years. who i thought hated me. who broke my heart. who i've missed since. i cry when i see her. we haven't seen each other and spoken. i asked her "how are you?!" three different ways within a minute. she asked if we could sit down. i thought she was going to really hand me my ass - tell me what an awful friend i was and how i hurt her. i was ready. i deserved it. we sat.

she apologized. she explained - she'd misinterpreted a lot of what i did as hostile when it was just anxious, sad, scared. we talked for an hour. she missed me so much. i missed her so much. we kept hugging and looking at each other. we were best friends. to hear she missed me fucking moved my sky - there have rarely been days i haven't thought about her even for a moment. i can't believe it. we are friends again. everything she told me - therapy revelations - made so much sense.

i want to share things with her again. i want to have experiences with her again. i want to be in her life and i want her in mine. it was hard to walk away from her. i missed her so much. oh my god. i'm so happy!

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)