the heart of the pelvis

2:08 a.m. x 2010-05-18

currently listening to: "set the controls for the heart of the pelvis" by barry adamson

i had orientation this afternoon. i woke up and someone had made coffee, which i drank while i read about david lynch. it put me in such a perfect frame of mind.

i went to the location of the event (not the place where i'll be working) and the woman heading the "class" as it's called, after we began, asked me what something (the product most identified with the company) obviously signified. i said "solidarity," a word that this woman's expression immediately communicated to me she had never heard in her life. she asked me no more questions.

so thank you, solidarity.

she also asked me when the other people went and took a break why i got this job when i was conspicuously the only trainee with a college degree. i spat out something about fees for grad school application (which, i don't mean to be a prick, but that is quite genuinely the #1 reason i HAD to get a job because i owe so little in loans [i played the financial aid game well] that that is not a concern of mine). but really?

also the dress code. it will take a lot out of me to provide the kind of service i am capable of providing when i look like hell. i'll try, but geez. a lot of emphasis was put on atmosphere and positivity and how we will be stationed in the positions we enjoy the most as the result of our training, etc. etc. and this woman said we could wear skirts (modest ones) and i would LOVE TO WEAR SKIRTS instead of pants. little things like that put me in a great mood.

i am all huffy about it because i have annie dillard's "how we spend our days is how we spend our lives" in my head and my parents (both of them! which is nice) insisting their hearts out the finitude of this arrangement and how in no time i have to apply and then GO to graduate school and that if anything gets in the way of writing it will be sacrificed. these are harsh feelings but i have been off my gord lately. i feel terrible and have been sleeping all the time. i barely made it out of bed today before i had to leave.

tonight i'll watch "twin peaks" again. i have rewatched the entire thing all ready since school ended.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11