i feel your burning eyes

2:21 a.m. x 2010-07-21

currently listening to: "fistful of love" by antony & the johnsons

(i thought for a very long time that line was "i feel your bowie knife," which would be way more morbid and intense considering the subject of the song.)

HERE is my new diary! i'll still have this one, only i'm not going to link to here from there, as i'd like to maintain a professional air there and continue to ignore grammar and decorum here in order to excavate my thoughts as i've been doing now for seven years. geeesh. since i was sixteen! and an insufferable nimrod.

i spent five dollars going to/from harrisburg yesterday which is not exorbitant but the place where i wanted to go there was closed! but the walk was great, and i love it there. and i at least now know my way there (a great big used book emporium where there lies a specific book i badly want). i'm going to check my schedule and if i have off sunday and can go to see "metropolis" with lexi & joe, i'll go to the bookstore friday, otherwise i do it all on friday! and probably sleep somewhere in philadelphia.

i do work tomorrow and i am PUMPED. i'm being trained with two booksellers and we all require training in the cafe and the store proper, and we're beginning with cafe but i am the only barista of the three of us. so they are full of hate for the whole affair and it's distracting. i'm really enjoying myself and even though it is job training it is at least engaging and personal and we are not squirreled away to computers in the office for the whole thing. we're out in the world and being led by various other employees with pervasively great attitudes. so theirs were mildly annoying last time.

tomorrow maybe i'll be trained more alone. i can't wait to have it all down and to interact with customers. i'm also looking forward to mastering the headset. it freaks me out. also my coworkers: i want to meet them. i have been introduced to a handfull but they all seem pleased enough to be there. being social is a gigantic element of a job's allure and this is way more the atmosphere i want to be in, as opposed to "i want to do this and leave," which was the mantra of my last gig. nobody wanted to be there, and my inquiring as to the wellbeing of others in the most basic way seemed to really violate them. eugh. i am so grateful to be rid of that place.

oh geez, i just realized i did not even say anything yet about starting work. IT IS BRILLIANT THERE. i can take out books for two weeks with managerial approval! i can wear a skirt! MY DISCOUNT IS MASSIVE (33% [20% on DVDs]). i was there for eight hours on sunday and i'm there for nine tomorrow and i can't wait! yesterday i was finally able to call the other establishment that extended me employment and tell them i couldn't take that job (bra-fitter! would have been a blast but i can't swing both time-wise). their HR called me when i was on the bus and it was embarrassingly loud and strange. i have a little complimentary bag from them now and i think i'll give it to my mom. she loves that stuff.

i am so happy. i can't believe it. i love my job. TWO people i love are editing my novella mss (for grammar and content). "metropolis." mobility. now that i've had my physical nothing stands in the way of my permit and i except my ineptitude. hopefully i can hack through the test and get it and apparently now my dad is keen to teach me how to drive. we were set on driving school but that would be nice and cheap of him. i'm supposed to get his car (sedan) but my mom wants to give me hers (tiny thing). she wants to be a tiny cute-as-a-button car person but she can't make herself be, i think. the smallness gets in her way a lot. i think she wants my dad's car. my dad is getting a new one but really he just wants my brother's car. everyone does. it is a glorious old monster of a luxury vehicle and I WANT IT TOO. but i would like to drive anything right now since i do not drive at all, and it is a long way to work. current POE (place of employment) is in the same town as my old one where i worked for two years after high school. i quit at the time because it was so expensive to get there. ahhh.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11