You gave me hyacinths first a year ago. They called me the hyacinth girl.

currently listening to: "oasis" by amanda palmer

i slept from ten last night to four this afternoon. i wouldn't have even woken up then had my mom not came in and woken me up. i am still beat. work has been exhausting. a lot's going on.

a few days ago i was working with my one friend and something was going very wrong with her. it was extreme. she was acting very erratic. her dad, a physician's assistant, came in and examined her. he advised her to call 911. it was a mess. i'd been there all day. there was only one other person that could've been called in. it was a mess. we had a gargantuan shipment come in that needed to be put away and nobody knew what to do with it. it was causing her way more stress than was necessary - especially considering what her body was doing anyway.

it was, she found out the next day, a miscarriage that her body was staunchly attempting to reverse by draining her of her faculties and focusing all resouces onto the uterus. EXTREME shit.

she feels bad she scared me so much - she said a lot of things that really terrified me that day - so she's taking me horseback riding soon. we have to pick a day and ask off together. that will be fun! i just don't want that stuff to happen to her again. an environment has been created for her at work where she is constantly afraid, believing that they are waiting to fire her, which is by no means the case.

ohhhh.

pittsburgh!

pittsburgh was gorgeous. it is a really BEAUTIFUL city. i don't think i've ever seen one that was really that breathtaking in terms of layout or architecture. the way it sprawls, the distinct little neighborhoods. i really love it. so did the boss. we both immediately entertained the idea of moving there.

the expo was tucked in a tiny corner on the city's edge but it made exiting and standing outside for air/sun pleasant and genuinely relaxing. i had to bop out bi-hourly and reload the meter. all the work was insane. i bought fucking everything. it was glorious. there were fine arts presses, serious journals, MFA programs, scrappy upstarts, sleek and lovely little presses and xeroxed-and-stapled insurgent zines. and everybody was excited and pleased and engaging. we met two of our authors. we have by no means met most of them in person. i've not met any. so that was great.

staying with akasha was MINDBLOWINGLY GORGEOUS. i'm so proud of her. i've known her since she was starting high school and i'm so glad she's enjoying college into oblivion. her school is one of the most beautiful i've ever seen, and the part of the city it's in is not only very calm, it's also in proximity to some of the most distinct-to-pittsburgh things in the city. we went to oakland for dinner and it was so great that i want to go again now. nownownow. the ride felt like nothing, too, even though i know it's farther than philadelphia. i have to check out if the train goes that way.

i am grateful for the money but i do hope i have been given more days off this week. i'll know tomorrow. i need to get more rest and sort stuff out. i have so much to do. i should start bringing some of it to work to do on my break.

i don't really want to do anything lately but watch movies and fall asleep. on the one hand i understand why and would advise anyone else to take the time to do that, but i don't like myself when i'm not writing. i need to get back to work.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)