kind of pushed kind of bent

12:26 a.m. x 2010-12-19

currently listening to: "down boy" by the yeah yeah yeahs

spent the night last night with seth and it was complete and nonstop bliss. he took me to a thai restaurant and we talked about my novella. he had a lot of (good! thorough! fascinating!) questions and observations and wanted to discuss it! i was shaking madly. i have never discussed my novella before with anyone who had read it. not only has he read it and loved it, i have immense respect for him and value his opinion in a way far beyond the standard petit-ami mode of value and respect. we are almost finished with "twin peaks."

today at work everyone kept telling me i looked wonderful. being that my hair was uncombed, i was wearing my nightshirt, my socks kept drooping and i rarely blinked (vexation), this can be attributed only to the post-coital glow.

after the atrocity that was work my mom, aunt and i went to chipotle. the rest is a blur. i was so taxed. i still am but now i'm drinking water and sitting down. on top of the dense fog of work-stress i have am deep in the bog of mind-frying glee because seth invited me to celebrate xmas with his family. holidays are my relationship-cryptonite, all the more because that's such a stupid thing to be very sensitive about. i am, though. we were strategizing the coming week and i get out earlier than usual this friday. lo, i remember, because xmas is the next day. une deux trois. then i was extended an invitation, at which point my very-much-extant concern over what to get his parents kicked into full-blown anxiety. THE FACTS: they have bison meat in their fridge, his dad has a nook, they use mac products. you'd do well to note that their like of me is omitted from this list. they haven't jettisoned me from their residence or said anything untoward and his mom has talked to me a bit. i am just anxious because there's been no judgment. no blatant reaction. i feel like his dad doesn't look at me. i can't shake it. i could quell this suspicion of course by looking at him once and a while. williams sonoma had a gaggle of things i would've liked to impress them with. i think i did find something for his brother. seth's xmas assemblage is enviable and i am very proud of it. i am impoverished of ideas about what to get his brother's fiancee. i'll jump to no conclusions but if she does not like me i understand why. i was a mess when she had me over. i don't have to be adored but i would like to contribute to a nice day. oh my god xmas sex. that is all i want. THIS IS THE BEST.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11