love what you are

10:30 p.m. x 2011-04-17

currently listening to: "hey snow white" by the new pornographers

i'm really out of my black cloud. i am really feeling now how accomplished i am, how much i've achieved in the year since i've graduated. just now this year's edition of the tributary (the literary review published by the school from which i graduated last year on which i was the editor) came and i was given a thank you, which made me well up madly. it's beautiful and two of my very best friends, scott and bill, oversaw it. working on that with them was one of the best experiences i've ever had, one of the best times in my life, and i'm so glad that i've progressed since then. that was the first time i succeeded in reaching a goal i had - a small, very personal, very internal goal, since sylvia plath and patricia highsmith were granted chairs as managing editor on their college literary reviews (and sylvia plath didn't get to serve) - and really kicked ass all over it. it was also the most visible achievement of mine, other people can see and know having been promoted to that responsibility - context notwithstanding - is a big deal. that was one of the best times i've ever had, and i'm so glad that since then i've:

gotten a job for the first time in three years
left that job because it was awful and, within a month, found one i loved
established a relationship with a local arts organization
been published three times
finished a short novel
applied to a mess of grad schools
ably found another job when the other one went under
met and embarked on a relationship with the loveliest person i've ever known

and now i am still looking for jobs, may have secured a really interesting thing, am strategizing a move with seth, sending out submissions, fifty pages into the draft of a new long project with several small things going out all the time. i know what schools i'm applying for for round two. i'm the maid of honor in the wedding of one of my best friends. i've made new best friends at both jobs i've had this year. i made friends with one of my favorite authors.


and my life is even amazing beyond that. seth's parents surprised us with a trip to baltimore today because they had to go to a birthday party and he and i got to go to the american visionary arts museum!!!!! it was fucking glorious. a giant rotating divine. a small, exquisitely sculpted monster roller coaster. elsa lancaster as the bride of frankenstein with her rear end exposed. it was all really perfect, being there with seth. my blood sugar plunged, though, and we had a tough time getting into a restaurant, but we did it, and it was all stunning. we were only around the harbor for three hours or so, but it was a really wonderful sunday-surprise. then he and i got coffee and sandwiches and watched "black swan" again. we watched "le bonheur" and "the white ribbon" otherwise this weekend, and next weekend it's "persona," "repulsion," and "take the money and run." i love curating our weekly cinematic engagements. we also watch movies he loves, but we watch them up a storm because, while he enjoys film, he's never before been with someone who is as passionate about it as i am, and he loves when i share them with him! eventually, when we are cohabitating, i want to introduce "pandora's box" and the fellini, but that is not for eventful spurts of weekend frivolity. i look forward to those milestones, where i get to curl up to sleep with him everyday.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11