sound is the color i know

8:54 p.m. x 2011-07-14

listening to: "east harlem" by beirut


i didn't get that job. the interview was amazing, too. ugh. that's fine.

as upset and discouraged as i am - i have an eye-twitch/headache that's been here for the last week - that is concerned only situationally. if i'd gotten it, i could've quit this job i have and gone to the beach with seth. now i can't do that - i can't even take off because we'll be training. allegedly we'll be training for a month. that isn't even true. we will probably be training right up until this contract expires. that's how this was.

so i am feeling very raw and absurd and flustered. the economic situation overall notwithstanding, of my close friends i am the only one without full-time, non-temporary employment procured myself. my best friend who just graduated is a field manager for a nonprofit, another is a call center associate making a living wage, another is a renewal specialist for people seeking to participate in experimental research. ugh. i know other people who haven't been employed once since graduating alongside me, and i have been constantly employed since graduating. i do a ton of amazing things. i'm going to be fine. i'm just a little flustered right now. i really don't like the temp scene. i really don't. nor do i like the town where i live. i need funds to get out of this town. this feeling of helplessness is one kind of crushing, but the full-time job on top of it - UGH.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11