unsere heimat produziert nationalsozialisten

9:31 p.m. x 2009-07-15

currently listening to: "the chain" by fleetwood mac

1. i spent the day reading smatterings of cat's cradle and the portable mfa, compiling poems to put in a little handmade anthology for mark for christmas-or-sooner and making encyclopedic mental notes because i am getting ever more conscious of writing in bookstores.

2. i am going to start my own small press within the year.

3. still no period. but even trying as hard as possible to avoid dwelling on it i know i am getting cramps and aches. please, anything.

4. i made a grocery list and put it on the kitchen counter and if my dad would get some or all or any of it it'd be like christmas. especially the apples. OR THE LIMES.

5. i hope that nothing i do to try and cheer myself up is percieved by mark to be in any way wound-rubbing or inconsiderate. sometimes i panic about what to do when he's down, but that isn't the thing to do. at all. it's fine that he's down. or it isn't that it's fine but that i love him. i am neurotic and wish that i can cure all his ills but if he has a bad day and all i can ramble about is stuff that doesn't help we should hang up and go to bed. i want to be optimistic but i don't want it to come off as insensitivity. it isn't. i just can't be discouraged in such a discouraging circumstance.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11