a disorder in which strongly-felt ethical and altruistic impulses are perpetually warring with extreme sexual longings, often of a perverse nature.

11:12 p.m. x 2009-12-20

currently listening to: "ma blonde est partie" by amedee breaux

i love my employers. they are all over my facebook and full of enthusiasm. it feels good to know they think of me. it also feels good to see "4.00" as my average this semester. this is incorrect and will change when my other two grades come in, but until then -

in a fit i finished both anna karenina and portnoy's complaint. i am hotly anticipating break every rule. i am grateful to have had my fiction professor as my fiction professor, because his approach to literature is so very valid and different from mine, and i think it is unignorably basic and wonderful - i would not have learned everything that i have with a professor who agreed with me all the time. i have access to all the angles now and it is important that i work on integrating them and figuring out what i can do from there.

I AM SO READY TO GRADUATE. yesterday i panicked a little. it was only one day but i thought, eugh! i'm not in school! i'm not into this. which is probably why i read so much. and then it came again: everything i'd rather be doing. all the stories that have been backlogged. all the images. my employer at the press and two professors i do not even know asked to read my story from this year. when i get back i have to schedule the space for a formal reading with time enough to do proper publicity and drama. maybe scott will sing again!

since i do not have workshop and i know what i am capable when workshop is not happening, i want to produce two or three pages a day for that-one-ever-present-novel-concept that has just been getting better and better and easier to realize and clearer and now needs to just get out and be there and make sense. it makes sense now. it is important to me to have out of the way for other things to not stand in its shadow.

my aunt is coming the day after christmas! tomorrow is kara's birthday, and i am finally giving her her gorgeous present. we're going to try and get to the cobbler then. i did not even realize it was sunday.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11