3:11 a.m. x 2006-05-29
i saw my old best friend today. i don't think she saw me. i was in the car and i saw her with her mother crossing in front of a strip mall.
i wanted to hop out of the car and run in front of her and ask her to tell me off. please just tell me what went wrong. i don't even need to make it up to you if you don't want me in your life. just yell at me. tell me what the last nail in the coffin was. what finally drove us apart after years of being so dysfunctionally the same? how bad did i scare you in the end? did you ever take notice of how untoward and stuck-up you could get with me sometimes?
my communication skills were not then what they are now. haha, now a good two-hour pep talk (or pep listen, as it were) from clare will move me to make only marginally tearful, wobbly-yet-assertive statements about my wellbeing (or complete lack-thereof) to others on the phone at 1 a.m. improving in leaps and bounds, you see!
as opposed to then, oh yeah.
i wish you could see it, but i've accepted that i'm not likely to get closure. or sleep, as it would seem.
if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start