10:58 p.m. x 2012-02-27

currently listening to: "billie blue" by zoe boekbinder

i did it.

i got a paid writing job. consistent assignments. part time, remote, can be done in and around my day job.

i have always felt a little behind and since i've realized, and embraced how impossibly hard it is, that THIS is what i want to do, and have really kept my head down and pushed and now am accomplishing things, i've looked around and noticed none of my friends are at this point. many are well off, busy, happy, but none of them are living by themselves and working in their field! that blows my mind. i am so lucky. slash, also, i have been having panic attacks. i haven't had panic attacks with much consistency since college. they're definitely associated with the whole i-can't-fuck-up-now-ness of it all, plus my schedule. i'm overloaded. i've gotta sort myself out.

my editor LOVED my cv. i've been nervous about sending my cv off to writing jobs since i had a meeting with an editor that went very well but he took a jab at the fact that i got paid to do very little of the work i have listed. my editor for whom i now work toiled and fought for years and was blown away by what i've done and how it demonstrates my commitment to growing as a professional writer! whaaat! that is such a dream. I AM LIVING THE DREAM.

i get tingly and sleepy and to say it to myself is overall a very narcotic experience: I AM A PROFE$$IONAL WRITER.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)