seizing the door like a harbour shark

4:17 p.m. x 2006-08-05


last night was the amazing. but it was profoundly, PROFOUNDLY tumultuous. which, granted, is inescapable...still. it was WACK. it began in the morning with me being seized by two anxiety dreams. i was awoken by clare who called to tell me when i was going over to her house and the news of HER ACCEPTANCE TO THE COLLEGE OF SANTA FE FOR THE SPRING! HOW FANTASTICALLY RANDOM!!! after this i spent the next few hours toiling and crying as different things arose, posing roadblocks or tiny obstacles in my pursuit of the evening's plan effectively planning out.

i finally got over to clare's only to sop into a corner and cry for a fairly long time. clare and i found people on myspace who go to the college of santa fe and she sent them enigmatic messages heralding her (fairly distant) arrival. this cheered me up. i txt'd ken for our two months of knowing one another (the glorious response: "horatio sans was doing an impression of billy [joel] on a rerun of SNL" *^-^* omnipresence!). eventually there was the much anticipated word-from-the-boyfriend.

jimmy had wanted me to spend the night with him hella eagerly, but suddenly now as i'd coordinated all of this extremely stressful planning and hit manically frustrating obstacles in the course of doing so...he was in a rotten mood and wanting nothing to do with anybody.

i was perfectly within my right to go OFF like a son of a bitch, but i actually wound up whimpering "please" for fifteen minutes. it did the job. we took clare to a party and sat in a poor, random driveway for a half an hour, drawing discussion out from each other, painfully and slowly as i was so stressed out i could barely articulate and he was so embarrassed about stuff that's going on with him that he was scared to bring it up...eventually we were able to beat everything out of one another and were a great deal more at ease, and we then ventured forth back to his place.

there we watched (..."watched"...), for reasons unknown, "sex and the city", "just shoot me" and "home improvement". this was accompanied ("accompanied", perhaps not..."overwhelmed", rather) by a great deal of wonder and of finally-getting-to-spend-time-alone-with-the-young-man. i was able to tell him everything that was on my mind, he was able to clear some matters up with was very, very fantastic. not to mention the fact that he's adorable, which was also on the fantastic side of things.

thoroughly pleased. an A effort all the way. though i could've been spared the bitching, it did establish much-needed dialogue which i'm glad was finally voiced. clare rocked and is owed big time. ken has placed a copy of billy joel's "the stranger" in a vending machine ("someone's gettin an extra treat for their 65 cents"!).

AWESOME. stun me...<3

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11