You gave me hyacinths first a year ago. They called me the hyacinth girl.

i'm about to lie down again. i'd rather be asleep all the time than feeling this ridiculous pain in my stomach. ugh.

i am feeling stupid today, which i much prefer to feeling angry or upset or anything. i hope i don't experience a spike of that later on or anything. i run the risk. i can't control my emotions well at all. i can control how they surface, i can control whether or not anyone can tell what i'm feeling if that's what i want, but i can't control feeling and i feel quite intensely. also quite somatically.

anyhow, the very good news: clare sent her money for the ticket and a twin peaks postcard! it's shelley johnson, and she's smiling away on my bulletin board. i love it. clare also wrote a badass little note to me on the back. in music, bob dylan was playing and it made me think of her. i miss her. i can't wait to see her.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)