beauty will be convulsive or it will not BE

8:16 p.m. x 2009-12-19

currently listening to: "piano trio in e-flat" by schubert

all my presents are now ensconced in wrapping. i am pumped into oblivion about break every rule by carole maso, the new GIGANTIC typewriter necklace, and "brand upon the brain!". we're going to get the boots modified by a cobbler by tomorrow. i know my calves are not to be hated but it is so hard to resist resenting them for keeping me from the realm of casual shoe-purchasing. my adoration for them caused my mother to recant on sending them back since the likelihood is that going a size up won't solve the problem. it is just my calves. my ankles are perfectly normal things like you'd see on anybody. then my calves go baBAM. it's genetic. we all look a little jacked in the legs.

i'm not letting this bug me. i am going to pace myself on that stack of beautiful books. and on the ones i just bought. i spent a stupid amount of money finals week. under the volcano, moby dick, portony's complaint and sodom & gomorrah in addition to what i wrote about last time. ugh. i should not have but i want to read them all so badly RIGHT NOW. which is nonsense; i can't. i'm halfway through portony's complaint and a chapter from the end of on becoming a novelist and a chapter into under the volcano. i intend to read "the overcoat" by gogol before going back to school. i must finish anna karenina because i've been at it forever. gretchen got me the things they carried because it is her favorite book (and i got her lolita) and i should read that first so i can respond promptly.

and now i have time to do it all!

poetry professor gave me a copy of the journal issue i helped him with. it is positively strapping. on my way out, fiction professor held the door for me and purred my name. this lead me to believe i did well in his classes. AND I DID. Dos A, in fiction and the novel. that's all i've heard about on the grade front. americal lit and bio remain a mystery.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11