teenage angst has paid off well

3:25 p.m. x 2002-12-23

...now i'm bored @_@.

mmm - my day messed itself up. i was all ready to have a nice day today, we were going to border's (the we that is my mom and i) and i was gonna get tweak's gift (since the cd i burned won't work) and i was all set to have a nice day but nooo - that fuckass (the fuckass that is my mother) had to ruin it. i started to cry in the car on the way home, listening to star no star by jack off jill. my eyes just widened and out poured tears. i was crying late last night to...i guess it's good that i made my "yay" list when i did. cause i haven't felt good since.

out of adolescent retaliation i've stolen more gifts. no - i'm not doing it to feel "rebellious" or any such shit, i'm trying to feel compensated in the easiest way possible (materialistically). i've never felt too much unconditional love from my mom and dad - their wallets have been nicer to me than either of them ever will be or have been.

i really hate certain aspects of xmas - my mom will buy all these things and then complain about all the money she's spending. do you want me to steal it??? what the hell kind of message are you sending me??? why do you want to make me feel so guilty so often???

fuck. i hate being sad. i'm gonna go watch party monster and imagine what it was like for angel melendez's corpse to be tossed about limbless in a box amidst the rivers of new york for several weeks. mmm...fun.

edited exactly ten minutes later: fine. i only get one thing to eat a day? okay by me. since you seem to think i'm so fat maybe it'll stop you from bitching every time i eat.


if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11