4:08 p.m. x 2003-12-03

all i want for xmas is SLEEEEP - i have been nodding out at the weirdest, most inappropriate times for the past few weeks and my performance in school - an act of cruel torture in and of itself - is beginning to suffer. i had a B in english. do you know what kind of a remarkable achievement that is for me?!

it's really quite crazy that i would get so flustered and amazed with a B, because i am smart, but pleasant academic experiences just seem to avoid me like the plague. it's not as if i set out in life to achieve the stunning mediocrity i've succumbed to, but you know that is because i live in the country. when i was in eigth grade i wrote a paper for english that dealt with topics the teacher didn't learn about until college - i could do that, she said, but i couldn't wrap my head around "the basics".

and, excuse me for a moment while i scream until my lungs bleed - but the clubs are INSANE. i cannot remember the last time we had a drama club meeting. i bet that club will fall apart and there will be no plays next year because the couple who gets the lead parts every time are seniors now. and even though i'll be a senior i still won't be allowed on a crew because just about every teacher, whether they've had me or now, assumes that i'm an utter quack.

(well put, myss.)

this is a fact perpetually encouraged by EVERYONE - friends and enemies alike. but as prevalent as my incompetence is, my paranoia blows it out of the water. so you can essentially ignore this entire entry.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)