9:58 p.m. x 2005-06-05

my mood this weekend depended on ONE THING. i get teary to think about it. the way i paced yesterday morning, expectant and scared and nervous. i came close to crying a lot of times. i have a lot this past week. and...

...for a few brief moments i was SO HAPPY. i was OUTOFMYMIND HAPPY (((i had my hands around a certain waist and i would not let go, i emitted noises so gleeful they could only be heard by dogs))). and all i know i can do is communicate my intentions effectively.

i say: summer project (oh you don't even know how much i have invested in this, i'm crying right now).

there is an acidic april entry about this very issue, but after having spent nights raving about it (much is owed to clare for listening to things of this nature) and TOOOOO much time in contemplation over it, i remembered something: i can't give up on what i love.

and there is nothing (AHA, LOOK AT THAT, NOTHING) i love more. I'LL GO TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH! I'LL HAVE MY WAY! I'LL MAKE EVERYTHING WONDERFUL! just you see. (((you made my day, though, and i think, i truly believe!, with this parascope out of your miasma that you totally see it. you totally see everything wonderful there.)))

closing statement: ALL of my google hits, ALL OF THEM, are for "incest sex".

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)