You gave me hyacinths first a year ago. They called me the hyacinth girl.

i feel completely emptied.

the graduation was really intense. nearly all my closest friends walked, and i started crying every time one of their names was called. i also cried during the space between two of the names, yeah...it was really intense to watch. and i was worried the entire time that i was/wasn't going to get to see jimmy afterwards, as he's been in ill-health. and after the ceremony was over, i went down into the field to find people for pictures. i got most of them, but not all. and i couldn't find clare, even though i was looking for her.

when i finally did run into her, i was really upset about an unrelated issue...and she in turn was really pissed with me for being upset and for not being attentive to the stress she's under...so we went up and talked that out a little. just a little, though, and i hung out with her tonight and that was good.

i feel really tripped-out now. i feel really scared and in a state of panicked, oppressive urgency.

this is where you crawl out onto the roof, maybe with the initial intention of leaping off, but gradually resolving after an hour or so to scream "FUCK EVERYTHING" and crawl back inside. maybe beat up a pillow or something.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)