doorbells are ringing with boxes of bones

9:13 p.m. x 2007-07-20

i've developed an intense dislike of people commenting upon their diets, their eating habits, etc. my mom came into the house today, amidst her whirlwind of constant exercise, and ate a half a chicken salad sandwich (on a very normal slice of bread) and some watermelon and then suddenly proceeded to stuff it all back in the fridge, reviled with herself that she'd "binged" like that. i'm very sick of women with eating disorders.

i'm on a diet, and i'd really like to lose weight as fast as i did when i didn't eat, but i remember pretty vividly how bad that felt, how unhappy i was, how isolated i felt, and i don't feel like doing it again. it's pretty maddening when all you want to do is be healthy and eat all right and not worry about food and not make it into an issue when you live with and around so many people with eating problems. it's ridiculous. it's petty. i'm very tired of it.

it's so absurd that one of the reasons i'm looking foreword to college is that i'll get breakfast, lunch and dinner. when i went to orientation and i ate with my group, i got far less than anybody else there. but at home i'm made to feel like i eat a lot. it's fucking absurd. i hate it i hate it i hate it. AGH.

so with THAT, i'm going to go get ice cream! FUCK YOU!

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11