6:17 p.m. x 2008-09-21
currently listening to: "hair play" by relief maps
in a bid to look good to my parents, i'm not going to ask for ANY MORE MONEY for the rest of the semester. do you hear me? mark my words! not a dime! except, i guess, for the laundry money they neglected to foreword me, as often as i've asked for it (rolls of quarters). there are things i want for christmas that i'd like to STOP WANTING and own once and for all.
i go home for a long weekend in five weeks. then i'll replenish my groceries. until then i'm gonna live off what i have. i should start taking up melody's offers when she asks if i need anything from giant. i have been here four weeks all ready. the time will fly. i get breakfast lunch and dinner for free here, true, very true, but not having an alternative makes me panick a little because the quality of the food here is SO POOR and some days i can't make it to meals when they're served. their hours are absurd. but i want to get in the swing of it more.
i get angry every time melody compliments the room because she's never in it and does not contribute to her appearance, and she said that day we had our "talk" how much she looks foreword to coming back here every day and how nice i make it in here. it just pisses me off. and i am so reactionary i am losing interest in the things we shared. the insincerity of my responses to everything she says bothers me. i am quieter, and i am all ready incredibly quiet. it is impossible to like her feeling the way i am about her decision. i'd like to make it a clean break and just close myself to her. i just don't permit her in anymore. soon enough will change that has all ready been established that we simply won't know each other anymore enough to say hello. i just have to look foreword to that day. i'd rather just subtract myself.
now! i've got serious work to do. i have my short story due in full next tuesday. this tuesday i'd like a draft entirely done to be gone over so i'm not freaking out so bad the rest of the week and i can chill out a little more next weekend than i have this weekend (during which time i was rather edgy and uppity, all to myself, luckily). i have a book now to help me with my grammar, and engaged in a refreshing dialogue with aliya over the function of grammar in writing. we agree if anything, if it doesn't aid in conveying the emotion of the story, it should serve as a guideline. perfect grammar down to every last comma is an alien thing to most readers and worrying about grammar is detrimental to the writing, getting the ideas out, which is the important thing first. i think concern over grammar, unless it is absolutely ridiculous and inhibiting one from understanding the action, should be held off until the very last phase of editing. not like my grammar is poor, but there are things i was never taught about beginning paragraphs that my professor tore me apart about. my english education was so poor. i don't wonder why i didn't ever consider for a second becoming an english major (which, i still have not done that paperwork...motherfucckkkkkerrrrr...).
i'm going to finish my brie (I FINALLY CAVED) and really work now. seriously.
if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start