11:35 p.m. x 2010-08-18
currently listening to: "my life line" by anna karina & jean paul belmondo
i need to chill the fuck out.
i feel like i can't get away from things.
i was SO HAPPY to see clare and kara and AT LAST BUILD MY SHELVES but i should be sleeping and should have slept. i slept all day now EVERYONE is home and loud and my back is all twisted and i have barely eaten and tomorrow at work will be bizarre and i forgot plans and made a commitment i don't know how i'll swing anyway and everyone is CONSTANTLY ASKING ME HOW THE DRIVING IS GOING and i feel so rude saying "are you kidding? i don't have any time. i didn't get my permit until now because i just now i have time to do that. i will learn now as i have the time." driving made me cry like no responsibility has in a very long time but i will learn. it's not defeating me. it's just scary and right now i need to rest.
my job is stressful. i love it. i really love it. i look forward to going. i love everything i do. it is real WORK though which you might not anticipate from a retail job, particularly one with such a relaxed vibe. but the schedule is blocked out hour by hour and your completion of your responsibility in that hour hinges upon everybody else and vice-versa and today i did something different every hour and did a favor that wasn't treated as a favor at all by someone i frankly have a thing for and it was weird. it made me feel weird. i really care about my job.
also saw jimmy off last night. he's headed to sleepaway college soon. we had a good time. we are both in a good mutual place with one another and there is honesty and that quality that i love in our relationship that we can be completely abrasively angry with one another. we were not last night. but we can be frank with each other. and i love it. i need it. i'll miss him but i'll see him again.
the opening of "crumb" fucking killed me. that slow pan. him curled up on the floor. he is so great. i feel kind of sick spending more money but i needed that today.
if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start