8:36 p.m. x 2003-11-11
as i sat downstairs and pondered over a slice of pie (that's right, pie), i found myself revisiting a favorite topic of debate in 2D art: pregnancy barbie, who was deshelved recently for not being manufactured with one key feature: a wedding ring. this reminded me of vh1's new show "true spin", inwhich the topics of popular songs are questioned and then their true inspirations revealed. i link one thought to the other by the b52's song "love shack", where one of the rumored inspirations was pregnancy (something to do with the lines "you're WHAT?!" and "tin roof rusted" - i think "knocked up" would've been a more suddle approach, but...), which of course it was not. it was a celebratory jaunt through the happy memories of a band carving out it's identity on the atlanta club circuit.
and so as i happily hummed "love shack" to myself, trudging upstairs to write this, i wondered why the hell i'd wanted to write about cats (there was a reason, more than paco's preoccupation with them). and then i though, of course...
MY CAT SNORES.
i've been passing out a lot lately, and i kind of have to thank the cat for any work i've gotten done lately. he's recently developed a penchant for sleeping in my room and he SNORES LOUD. other nights, like earlier this week, he hasn't been so helpful. i only got two hours of sleep and then my cat began to snore @_@. AAAAGH. and then of course the other night he was nowhere to be found and i completely zoned out. but you've already heard about that.and now let's get completely off-topic by saying...
you know what? i would make a really good girlfriend if i really tried. seriously. i have my own support system, so i wouldn't constantly be crying to a guy about my problems BUT i'm compassionate and human and if it was any kind of a comfortable relationship, i could still talk to him about whatever might be bothering me. i'm not really a "CALL ME OR DIE, BITCH" kind of person, and sufficient contact doesn't need to be made 24/7. i'm used to entertaining. i'm not mushy.
i suppose it's complicated. it bothered me a lot at first because it contradicted every feeling i've ever had about a guy i thought i liked. this SNUCK UP ON ME in such a disturbing, unconcious way. and where this would happen most of the time i would sit back and think "what good friends i have - i'm glad i have him as a friend and it couldn't get any better than this, so we don't need to try and make it be that way". and now - i look at this person and while i enjoy the hell out of knowing him...suddenly i think "hmm, but i see room to move past this" and the LAST THING I'D EVER WANT TO DO IS NOT HAVE HIM AS A FRIEND AND IT SCARES THE BEJESUS OUT OF ME TO THINK THAT I HAVE THE ABILITY TO SELFISHLY, STUPIDLY THREATEN THAT BY FEELING THIS SELFISH, STUPID WAY!!!!!!!!!!!
uuugh...SNOGFEVER striked again.
if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start