7:37 p.m. x 2007-10-23

i feel so fucking weird. i wish i didn't care about any of this. i've gotta take my mind off this stuff. as if school and writing and cleaning and running around doesn't sufficiently fill my head completely. i feel like i'm being continuously punched in the stomach. i've pretty much spent every autumn since 2005 feeling like this, which, it's 2007 and it's time that stops, honestly. and this is for the same reason as last year. dumb shit.

i'm really excited about something that is approaching...i'm not sure when it'll happen...and i am BEYOND EXCITED...you have no idea...i just have to watch myself. i could potentially frustrate myself with it really bad. i think it'll be good, though. it'll be different. i'll have fun. it'll be a big move towards getting myself sorted out. it's something i HAVE to do.

right now i'm just sore. i wouldn't say that if someone i liked was right here i wouldn't go for it, but i certainly don't feel that energy right now. i'd just wind up crying and looking weird. i'm waiting for the idiot-feeling to pass yet. i would like another relationship, but i know i'd suck at one right now. i'd be preoccupied and sad and i'd suck. i don't want to suck.

i don't even want to be talking about this, it isn't interesting. i've got it reduced to a single sentense, why i'm not feeling good, and it's so dumb it infuriates me.

i'm better than all of this

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)